The School of Crypto
Who You’ll Meet in Crypto
Every high school teen movie has its stereotypes (based in reality). The new kid moves into town and she gets introduced to all of the different groups.
The Jock
The Nerd
The Cheerleader
The Class Clown
The Rich Kid
The Goth
The Burnout
The Popular Kid
The Rebel
The Teacher’s Pet
Does the same thing exist in the Crypto community?
The People You Will Meet In Crypto
Crypto is a financial technology but it’s also a social technology. o what types of people are attracted to the “School of Crypto”? Let’s see!
Maximus Absolutus. He’s a Bitcoin Maxi and the jock of the crypto world. He’s not that smart, but damn does he have a lot of school spirit! He loves to fight with the other kids in the School of Crypto and doesn’t like the kids who wear Ethereum or XRP T-shirts. At his best, he is a true believer who genuinely understands Bitcoin. At his worst, he’s a toxic bully who creates unnecessary division between the different crypto classrooms. He’s convinced Bitcoin will take over the world and wants the other cryptos to drop out.
Ethan Nodewell. This guy doesn’t know how to code or work in tech, but he’s an early adopter. He downloaded Linux before it had a GUI, is fluent in L33t, had a blog before anyone else, bought the first iPhone, and speaks Klingon. He runs a Bitcoin node, provides liquidity on every DEX, and has never made a penny. He just likes the tech.
Chad Viralson. The original Meme Lord. This guy thinks he’s edgy, but really he’s just a clown. Sign him up on Twitter (yeah, it’s called X now, nobody cares) and he’ll get 10,000 followers in a week. Laser eyes? He invented them.
Bitcoin logos photoshopped onto random images? He dreamed it.
The more obscure and nerdy the joke, the more he cackles. If he masters his craft he might even work for a Web3 startup. But most likely, he’s just shitposting on Reddit.
Victoria Bagsworth. Maybe she was rich before she bought crypto. Maybe she bought Bitcoin when it was less than a dollar and simply HODLed. Now she’s a whale.
What does she do with all that money? Manipulate the market.
She pumps the market. She dumps the market and sends Crypto Twitter into a full-blown panic just by moving her coins.
Meanwhile, Victoria is on a yacht wondering why everyone is panicking over a 10% drop. She bought Bitcoin under a dollar and doesn’t care whether it’s $60,000 or $100,000. Either way, she’s filthy rich.
Derek Luckett. Get rich or die trying is this degen’s life motto.
Day trade? Absolutely.
Buy a coin that’s probably a rug pull, but could 1,000x? He bought it.
Airdrop farming? Every chance he gets.
He was first on Pump.fun and launched 100 memecoins.
Has he been rugged? You better believe it.
Has he had some big wins? Sure.
Is he up or down overall? Only Derek knows.
But Derek has a terrible secret. His biggest investment is the Pokémon cards stashed under his bed.
Molly Green. Everything is new and exciting for this noob. What is a node? What’s an altcoin? What’s Bitcoin?
The best thing about Molly is that she asks questions you’d never think of. The worst thing about Molly is that some of those questions are really stupid. Just remember: there is no such thing as a stupid question. Just stupid people.
A smart noob becomes a builder. A dumb noob becomes a degen. But a genius noob becomes a rich degen.
Samantha Chainwright. The second most important person in the crypto class. She mines Bitcoin, develops code for a DeFi platform, markets a crypto project, or works in business development. In other words, she makes crypto as you know it possible.
This is her J.O.B., and she is just over broke. If it’s a bull market, she does great. But as soon as there’s a rumor of a bear market, she gets laid off.
She stares longingly at cheap Bitcoin she can’t afford while looking for her next job. But without Samantha taking the fall for you, there would be no crypto.
Drew Blackpill. He knows everything is a scam and nothing is a scam.
Bitcoin is doomed, but so is the dollar. Stocks are a joke, and so are all the crypto projects. He watches the stock market and recognizes a rug pull when he sees one.
The 21st-century economy is one big shitcoin, and he loves it.
Genesis Chainmaker. You’ve never met him, and if you did, you’d never know it.
He is Satoshi Nakamoto writing the first Bitcoin code. He is Vitalik Buterin creating Ethereum. He is Charlie Lee mining Litecoin in 2011. He is Billy Markus coding Dogecoin as a joke.
He’s the founder of crypto and is too cool for you. He rebelled against centralization and started a movement that will outlive us all.
Honorable Mentions
These characters could probably be squeezed into one of the top nine categories, but they sit at their own lunch table.
Tiffany Hart. This girl wants you to know about either
her favorite cointhe latest coin she’s being paid to shill. Every coin is revolutionary. Until the next sponsorship arrives.Tyler Chambers. This guy loves to talk about how crypto has “grown up. He wants more laws. More regulations. More KYC. Tyler’s dream is for crypto to have just as much red tape as the stock market.
Miles Mint. He's not into coins and tokens. He likes JPEGs with ugly apes on them.
Sophie Scroll. This girl loves hanging out in Discord and Telegram channels to make crypto friends. Or she just likes to lurk.
Conclusion
The crypto world has attracted a wide cast of characters. No matter what you think of crypto, you’ll never be bored if you join the crypto community. Did I leave anyone out of the yearbook? Nominate them in the comments below.
Final Word
Expect to meet these people in almost every crypto community.
Oh, he’s very popular, Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wasteoids, dweebies, dickheads — they all adore him. They think he’s a righteous dude.
-Grace in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Disclaimer:
The information in this publication is for educational purposes only and does not constitute financial, investment, or legal advice. Always do your own research before making any financial decisions. Cryptocurrency investments carry risk, and past performance is not indicative of future results. I actively invest and trade in the crypto markets, and my personal portfolio and holdings change frequently. Nothing I share should be interpreted as a guarantee of performance or a recommendation to buy or sell any asset.